Don't Blink

I blinked and realized that I have walked through the rest of August, September, and October. It seems that as you grow, time goes by faster. It's a scary thought really. The past few months have been trying months. I have learned that... Well, to be honest, I don't really know what I've learned yet. I think it's still a process. God is teaching me something - I just haven't figured out the lesson as of yet. I have been trusting and having faith... I thought I saw his hand, but it turned out to be a shadow. How do you come back from that? The realization that what you thought was your Father's hand - was a shadow... I may sound bitter. I'm not. I'm just hurt. Confused. Tired. Afraid. I know that there is no fear in Christ but there is fear in this world. Maybe I'm not even making sense. Maybe the shadow is his hand... I am just thankful that through all the questions... Christ remains.

A Gate at the Stairs

"This was love, I supposed, and eventually I would come to know it.

Someday it would choose me and I would come to understand it's spell,

for long stretches and short,

two times, maybe three,

and then quite probably it would choose me never again."

-Lorrie Moore

Summer Time

Yesterday was my last day of school!

I'm so very excited.

This means:

Nights of staying up late.

Going to the beach.

Seeing old friends.

Playing my guitar.

Reading old books.

General Relaxation.

And...

Summer school.

Bummer.

Oh well, I will enjoy it for now!

Ahhhhhh. :)

My Love.

"Above all, she wants him to be absolutely confident that she loves him, for that is the real truth, no matter how unreasonable it sounds, and no matter how her own feelings betray them both at times. She depends recklessly on his love."

God is so gracious.
I could have lost him this week.
God spared him.
God spared me.
Thank you, Lord, for your mercy.
Thank you for your grace.

Dear Spring,

I love you but this has got to stop. Can't you see that you are killing me. Literally. I just don't think I can take this anymore. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't think. We are finished. I am breaking up with you and moving on to Summer. I hope you can understand. Thank you for all of the good times. Goodbye.

-Ashlee

Some days you really just need a sunny day.

Well, today I REALLY needed one,

but alas... rain.

Boo.

Oh well, I DID get to go to my baby brother's prom this weekend!

Talk about feeling old!

He looked so handsome though.

I am so proud of him.

I have a lot to look forward to this week.

Tomorrow - PSSA testing.

Well, maybe I'm not looking forward to that.

Thursday - Family is coming

Saturday - More family is coming

Saturday night - Madea!

Sunday - Family time.

Love it. :)

Future Baby

This picture is just adorable. Reminds me of how much I love my husband. Speaking of loving my husband... Has anyone else noticed that people are having babies like crazy!??! Seems like every day I hear about someone else that is pregnant or is giving birth. I try not to get jealous but sometimes I just can't help it. Andy says three years but I'm sort of hoping for next year. (shhhhh...). Haven't broken the news yet. It really depends... We want to be settled into a home and ok with our finances. I also sometimes worry about the military. If my husband were to get deployed again, I'd be here alone. I know that women do it all the time, but I would be so scared to be left alone. Especially when I live so far away from family. Anyway, someday it will be my turn. And my husband and I will be able to start our family. I'll keep dreaming and writing down names I love. For now, we will be REALLY great parents to Scrapple. :)

Days Like Today Are Why I Smile

I REALLY need to be better at blogging. I am very easily distracted. Oh well. Here's to new beginnings. Yesterday was my bday and today my husband and I spent the day at the zoo. It was more fun than we've had in a while. It was so great to be out in the sun seeing all of God's creation. The majestic nature of animals is a true testament to the lovely nature of God. Love.

OH - got the Sony Reader as a bday present. Seriously, one of the best presents EVER. I love it. I can carry up to 350 books with me at all times. Does it get any better than that? Let me answer for you... no. It does not.

SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME SMILE - This picture makes me smile every single time I see it. I am the one on the right... My husband is the one on the left. We are perfect for each other. Love Love Love. Always.

Temporary Home

I was driving down the road and heard a song by Carrie Underwood.

Little affects me the way music does.

When I heard this song, I just began to cry.

This song reminded me that life comes and goes so quickly.

It's here and then gone.

I don't know how I forget this.

Death and war surrounds me.

The Bible makes it very clear.

Yet, somehow, I manage to push the fact from my mind.

Despite devastation... Despite death.

Today I will remember.

"This is my temporary home.

It's not where I belong.

Windows and rooms that I'm passing through.

This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going.

I'm not afraid cuz I know...

This is my temporary home."

Watch the video... see what you think.

Spring's not coming yet...

So I am beginning to get a little bummed out about allllll of this snow.

Spring, where are you???

I did find these pictures though.

The majestic beauty of it seems to make it all a little better.

My Marine

Today is going to be a long day.

My mind keeps going back to my husband.

After a deployment, life eventually goes back to normal.

My husband has been home for nine months now.

I forgot so quickly the pain of him being away.

I mean, I remember at times.

I'll shudder and think how terrible it was

but that burning pain that existed

while he was away is gone.

I physically ached for his presence.

Every moment was constant worry.

Every phone call became a haven of peace.

But even then, his life was in danger.

Even in the times that we laughed and joked on the phone,

he could have been taken from

me at any second.

I don't know what I would have done if I lost him.

As it was, I fell into a deeper depression than I had ever seen.

But he did come home.

And we forgot.

It's likely that he'll leave me again someday.

We will have to endure again.

I know that our love will never change

but we will go back to lives of constant worry.

I understand though.

I understand his need and want to serve his country.

I am so proud of him.

I will support him to the very end.

And my love for him will never change.

Here are some pics of my Marine.

Mourning A Fallen Brother.

Today my husband has funeral detail.

My husband is a Marine and will go to honor a fallen brother.

The Marine who died was killed in Afganistan.

My heart breaks for his family and friends.

I cannot even begin to imagine the loss they are feeling.

I cannot imagine the lack of understanding that consumes them.

I have been fighting off the thoughts and feelings

that come with this sort of thing.

It is difficult because I don't know the next time

my Marine will deploy.

I can only be thankful that he did come home.

I can only learn to better appreciate the time that I have with him now.

Because in truth, whether at war or just at home,

you never know which breath will be your last.

All I can say is thank you, LCpl. Michael L. Freeman, for your sacrifice.

Thank you, Freeman family, for the love and support you showed your Marine.

And as always, Semper fi.

Oh Summer... Please come back to me.

So, we had a blizzard.

There is a ridiculous amount of snow outside!

It's times like there that I find myself longing for summer.

Oh please come.. days with flowers, sun, and warmth.

Please come days filled with long walks and bbqs.

sigh....

We've still got a LONG way to go!

I guess I will just have to learn to enjoy it for now.

Yesterday, my husband and I went outside and played in it for a bit.

We tried to make a snowman.

He ended up just being a little guy. :)

Here are some pictures from yesterday's snow craziness!

We're Moving On to Something New.

So we are moving on the 20th.

I think it's going to be a good move

but of course there are always worries.

Bills/Money.

What if something goes wrong.

What if we hate it.

What if we love it and can't buy in the spring.

I would be so heartbroken.

But, I have come to realize that no amount of worry can change anything.

I just have to give it up and take a step.

Here is a picture of our new home.

It's not the best picture but I will take more when I can.

We are also getting a new dog!

He is to keep me company whenever Andy has to go away.

We don't have pictures of our Scrapple

(he was prenamed but it's growing on me)

but here is a picture of what he looks like.

I am going to go enjoy this lovely snow day with my wonderful husband.

Drive safe! Stay warm!

Blogs for Life.

Some may think that February 6th is a tad late for New Year's resolutions...

but i think these resolutions are just in time.

After all - much of the year is still left to live.

1. YMCA Membership - Gotta get in shape!

2. Spanish - It just HAS to get better.

3. Completing art classes and doing more homemade crafts to help decorate my home.

4. Being a better, more loving wife to my incredible husband.

5. I really just want to be warm yellow light that pours over everyone I love. -Conor Oberst.